Play Pretend
by joanie09
Summary: Starts off post-wildlife, Elliot can't get Olivia out of his mind. Continues onto post-Spooked in later chapters as the two realize, they can't keep playing.
1. Chapter 1

"_Are you ready for me, Daddy?" she sauntered into the room with a flirtatious smirk on her lips, walking over to the man a few feet in front of her, giggling as she slid her arms around him, seeing the two other men in the room, "Oh, I didn't know we were havin' a party. That's gonna be $100 to watch, $250 to join... each." She laughed as muscular arms tightened around her, pulling her closer and she glanced over her shoulder at the two others. As he threw her shirt at her and ordered her to leave, gun raised. She was thrown out the door still in just her bra._

Elliot suddenly woke up, eyes to the ceiling as he took a deep breath. Of everything that had happened that night, including the fact he was shot, those few minutes were the part he couldn't rid his mind of. Her standing in front of him, half undressed. In the next moment, she was wrapped in his arms, pressed against him. It had been two minutes of absolute bliss. Not that he had told her, or anyone else, that.

But every day since then, whether it was sitting across from her in the precinct, or sitting next to her in the car on a stake out. Or hell, even watching her during an interrogation, his mind flitted back to those moments. He saw her standing in front of him in her bra, hair loose and he wanted her. He had wanted her then and he continued to want her. He figures that was when it really hit him. He would never claim not to have noticed her attractiveness before. He may have been temporarily blind once, but he had never been stupid. He had looked into her deep brown eyes; seen her smile at the small things. He had seen her sadness and her joy. In 10 years he had seen every aspect of her, and it all worked together to make her one of, if not the, most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes on. So since that night he had longed to touch her again, to hold her.

Olivia.

He would never tell her that of course, she would run a mile. And he was still married. Even if once again things were far from perfect in his marriage. Especially after that night. It had been up to Olivia to tell Kathy where he was. It was up to her to stop Kathy from leaving him again. Part of him wished she hadn't. It would ease the guilt of the feelings that had cropped up more and more since then. It would mean he could lie in bed and fantasize about the what-ifs.

What if they hadn't made her leave? What if it hadn't all been an act and she had shown up there with that intention? What if he really had the chance to have her? There were so many of them. So often now his mind would drift, imagining her walking out of that bathroom to only him. Wrapping her arms around him and letting her lips meet his in a passionate kiss. Allowing him to lay her out on the bed and cover her body with his own. To move with her and hear her utter his name as he took her to the edge. His arousal grew at the very idea and he had to try and force it from his mind. He couldn't do this, not with his wife lying next to him. Sighing, he turned to his side. Trying to make himself go back to sleep when his phone rang. He quickly answered

"Stabler..." he listened to the voice on the other end, nodding to himself, "I'll be right there."

He didn't know whether or not to be glad; he had to go to work. He would see her, but it would either be exactly what he needed or some kind of torture.

They spent the next several hours investigating a rape with no leads. They had knocked on several doors, spoken to friends, family and neighbors of the victim and still nothing. Nobody could tell them anything. They were at a dead end until the lab work came back and hopefully gave them some clues as to what had gone down. A possible suspect. But that would be a while yet. So now, they lay in the crib. Olivia on the bottom bunk and Elliot on the top. They didn't speak. Sometimes they didn't know how. Others it was a case of not needing to. They knew what the other was thinking, feeling. Especially in cases like this when they were coming up at dead ends. They both got tense. Pissed off. Because they knew that there was a perp out there, a risk of them striking again and it was their job to stop them. And sometimes, with nothing to go on, they just couldn't.

The lay in silence for almost an hour, neither one sleeping or even relaxing; It was just a time out, time away from the chaos of the room outside the door. It may be quiet but it was always chaotic. There was always another case about to be dropped on them.

"El..." her voice eventually broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"You ok?" she asked

He turned onto his side, letting his head drop over the side of the bunk to look down at her, "yeah I'm ok. You?" he worried about her. He knew that these kinds of cases were hard for her sometimes, especially when it was one they weren't sure how to solve.

She nodded, "yeah I'm ok. Tired, I was still awake when Don called."

"Me too. Couldn't sleep."

"Why not?" he voice was filled with curiosity.

"Not important," he shrugged his strong shoulders. This was not something he could tell her. Hell it was something he'd rather not know himself sometimes.

"Come on El..." she sighed, "you know you can talk to me."

"Not about this."

She sighed with frustration and stood up, leaning against the ladder of the bunks, "why not? It can't be that bad. Unless you were getting busy with your wife, in which case I don't need to know," she teased, trying to ease a smile from him. In contrast, he grimaced.

"Definitely not."

Her interest was peaked now and she continued to tease, "oooh was Detective Stabler having a dirty dream about a mystery woman?"

"Not a mystery," he muttered to himself, hoping she wouldn't hear. But looking at her, her head tipped a little and confusion on her face, he knew that she had, and he knew she would want an explanation. "Don't ask."

"Well now I have to."

"Liv, please," he sighed, running a hand over his face.

"Aw come on El, who was it?" she grinned, "it's not a big deal, everyone has those dreams. I won't tell."

He rolled his eyes at her, "Olivia, I really don't want to talk about it with you."

"God, El, it's not like it was me," she huffed until she saw the way his eyes widened. Her own mirrored his, "me?"

He bit his lip and said nothing.

"Since when do you dream about me?"

He could have answered that it had been since the minute she had walked into the precinct 10 years earlier. It wouldn't have been a lie. However, this dream wasn't like the others, this one was new and different.

"Since the animal smuggling case," he sighed, "it's no big deal."

"What caused it then?"

He lay back, folding his arms behind his head as he spoke, "well you were half naked and pressed against me. Doesn't matter who you are, I'm a guy, that leaves an impression."

Olivia hardly knew what to say. She couldn't tell him that she had dreamed of him on a number of occasions. "You're married."

"Good thing it's only dreams then, isn't it?" he said sarcastically.

"You don't have to be a dick, Elliot."

"Sorry," he nodded. This was starting to stress him out, "it's just weird. I mean sure, I always thought you were attractive. Always adored you, but I've always managed to keep it pretty much platonic, but after that night, the dreams started. I wanted you. Not that I was going to do anything about it."

"Why not?" the question surprised them both. It was definitely not what she had intended to say. She had planned to laugh it off, shove him lightly and make a joke. Somehow she had said that instead.

"I'm married," he reminded her.

Looking up at him, she bit her lip, "we could play pretend. Like we're undercover again," she said softly, "you're the customs officer helping a gang of smugglers and I'm the whore you call."

He shook his head, "I'm not going to pretend you're a whore, Liv," he told her firmly.

"Secret fuck buddy?" she chuckled

"Liv!"

"Come on, El..." she smiled, "you don't get many chances at pretending for a while. Putting everything aside and living in the moment. We both need it. Let's play pretend." She stepped up onto the ladder, looking down at him.

As he looked back at her, his breath caught, she was beautiful and he wanted her. There was no denying it. But he didn't want to pretend it was nothing. With her it would always be something. But maybe this was his only option.

"Pretend," he murmured, nodding as his lips finally met hers.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Months passed and life returned to normal for both Elliot and Olivia. Their night of pretence was left in the past, at least outwardly. They had made love that night in the cribs, years of hidden passion pouring out of them for those stolen minutes which ended all too soon. When their lovemaking was over and they went back to work, it was time to be real again. Faced with rapes, murders and molested children, their perfect moments ceased to exist. But that didn't mean they let go of the memories. They just made a good job of hiding their feelings now.

For Elliot, life had returned to normal at home. He went home every day to Kathy and his kids. Eli was getting bigger every day and there was no way he could contemplate not being there to watch him grow. The twins were getting older now too. Almost done with high school and he couldn't even begin to wonder where the time had gone, he seemed to have missed it all. He wouldn't do that again. So, he continued to live his safe, normal life. Cop, husband and father- a family man. That is what Elliot Stabler was meant to be. His desires didn't matter really. It made no difference if he still felt the deep love for his wife that he once had, if he wanted her. None of it mattered.

Olivia meanwhile continued her life as usual also. She remained single, hardly even dated even. Her life was her work; her passion was finding the perps and making them pay. That's what mattered to her. Sure, it'd be nice to have someone to go home to at the end of the day, to hold her when a tough case became hard to handle, but she'd been dealing with it on her own for years already, she could keep doing it. She could survive it on her own. There was only one man who ever truly made it easier for her anyway, and at least he was still with her. Their night of weakness hadn't broken them, it hadn't taken him away from her and so she could keep going as things were. It wasn't so bad.

This was how they lived their lives. They had agreed to play pretend that night, not realizing that they would continue to play every day afterwards, without ever really knowing that they were. It took the events revolving around Dean Porter's arrival in the city for a case to make them wake up and see that they'd been pretending all along. He had played them. No not them, just her, he had played her. Olivia. She had been taken in by him; she had trusted him. She thought he was a friend, that he really did want to help them, but all along he had been using them to meet his own ends. He had risked her life to stop his case from being blown. He could have shot her, ok, so he got Rojas but it had been close. Hell, Elliot had thought she was hit. He'd held her, terrified that he was going to lose her. Like the Gitano case. God, it had been almost as terrifying as that. The minute he ran to her, he knew. He knew that he had been lying to himself. Losing her was his greatest fear, and as much as he could tell himself otherwise, as he held her he knew that he still wanted her. That there was more to them than what they told themselves.

It took a little more time for her to admit it though, because while Elliot had never trusted Porter, Olivia did. It was when they learned it was Porter who had bugged their phones that she lost that trust. The bastard had to get what was coming to him. So she helped Elliot and the others set him up, and she had kissed him. Part of her hoped that in kissing him, she'd feel more than she did. In actuality all she knew was that it didn't feel right. That the lips on hers weren't the right lips. As her hand rested on his jaw, it was too smooth, a little too soft. And the hair that her hands touched was too long. She was glad when it was over. It still hurt when he told her their feelings didn't matter, not because she wanted him, but because she had at least considered him a friend.

And how could he say their feelings didn't matter. Their feelings were everything. Caring is what made her so damn good at her job, she cared about the victims and that's what made her determined to find the bad guys. She cared about the people she worked with, that are why she came back every day and that's why she trusts them. Most importantly, she cares about her partner and that's why she will always have his back, why she'll always make sure he's ok even if she's not.

Well, maybe on that one, she cares a bit too much. She always knew that, she just denied it. After that night months ago she told herself it was out of her system, she was lying to herself. He was so far under her skin; there was no way he ever wouldn't be.

She turned her back to the door after Dean left, taking a deep breath to steady herself. She was hurt and she was angry but she had a job to do. There was always another case. She didn't hear anyone walk into the room, so she didn't know he was there until he spoke,

"You alright?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the doorframe.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I'm fine, I'm good." She didn't look round to him, so he walked further into the room.

"They guy's a prick, Liv, don't let him get to you," reaching out he rested his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. He wanted to be closer to her, but he knew he had to keep some distance. He didn't trust himself if he got too close.

"He's not," she sighed "I'm just pissed that I let him con me like that. I should've seen it coming; I should have known he wasn't telling me everything." She let her eyes fall closed to the feel of his hand on her shoulder. Seeking comfort from it.

"You trusted him, he helped you before, and you had no reason not to trust him."

"You didn't," she pointed out.

"Yeah but I never did," he chuckled, "and that wasn't really for the right reasons. Bastard almost got you killed that was enough for me."

She twisted her head slightly to look at him, "but I'm ok, El. Still here."

"Yeah but it was close, if he had misfired even a bit, he would have hit you, and that's not a risk I'm ok with him taking."

She turned completely to look at him, "you'd have been ok."

"No, I wouldn't," he said adamantly, shaking his head, "you're my partner."

"You've had other partners before, you did alright," a sad smile tugged at her lips.

"They weren't you. You don't realize how much I need you, Liv," instinctively, he ran his hands up her arms; "I couldn't bear to lose you. You're the one person I couldn't live without."

"Better not tell your wife that," the quip left her mouth without a thought and she cringed, "sorry."

"No, you're right," he nodded. "But Liv, it's true. I need you."

"Do you ever wish we had kept pretending?" she asked him softly. The thoughts of their night together flooding her memory.

"No," he shook her head, and rushed to continue on seeing her hurt look, "because we've been pretending all along, Olivia. We've been pretending that night was a one off, which it was just a release of, pent up sexual tension that had been building between us for ten years, but we both know it's more than that. We're pretending every day that we act like we're just partners, or just friends."

"I know," she nodded, biting her lip as she looked up at him. "I don't want to keep playing this stupid game, El."

"Me either," Elliot looked away, "but I'm married, and I can't miss out on another kids' life. I wish I knew what to do. Because I know that I want you, I don't know where it would lead us, but I know I do."

"We don't have to force it, Elliot. We can just keep going as we are."

"I don't want to," he said simply, walking to the other side of the room and dropping his head against the wall, "but you deserve more than I can give you. More than secret meetings and a few stolen hours."

"But if it's with you, then maybe it's enough."

It pained her to say the words, because she knew it would never be enough, but now that they had opened this door, she couldn't just close it again. She couldn't own up to her feelings and then just deny them again in the next instance. It wasn't as easy as that. If all she could have was secrets then she would take them, it was better than nothing.

Elliot looked back at her, "do you know what you'd be getting yourself into?"

"Yes," she walked over and ran a hand up his back, "and it's something I'm willing to do, if it means I get to have even just a little bit of you. And hey, secrets can be fun," she smirked, "the forbidden fruit is always the sweetest, didn't they teach you that in Sunday school?"

Chuckling, he leaned down to whisper in her ear, "oh I learned a lot, and when I meet you at your place later, you'll learn a few things too."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The rest of the day passed as normal, there were no major breaks on any of their open cases and they didn't catch any new ones. So they sat at their desks across from each other doing paper work until 6p.m. when they finally decided to call it a day. That was when the nerves began to flutter, like a butterfly, in her stomach. Sure, she wanted what Elliot had suggested earlier, but at that time it had been hours away and anything could have happened, or changed. But now they were pulling on their coats and heading out of the precinct, side by side. She swallowed, trying to find her voice but it was lost to her when she felt his hand on the small of her back as they descended the steps outside. Trying to look as normal as possible, she just kept walking, as he murmured softly beside her, just loud enough for her to hear

"You want to get something to eat first?"

She shook her head, "no, uh, no, it's ok. That's probably not the greatest idea."

"We have dinner together all the time," he pointed out, "it's not going to raise any alarm bells for anyone," she could sense the smile that played on his lips, the mirth in his eyes, even though she didn't look back at him.

"I know," she agreed, taking a calming breath, "but it'd just feel a little weird, knowing what the intentions were for…" she paused, "after."

He nodded in understanding. Because he did understand, he knew this was strange for her, and definitely not easy. She was knowingly about to become 'the other woman', she had made that conscious decision, and while she wasn't backing out she was feeling somewhat self-conscious and unsure. She knew this was a change in their relationship and while on the outside they couldn't show it, right now it seemed wrong to her to just do things as normal. He rubbed her back,

"How about you head home, take a shower and just relax, I'll stop off and pick up some take out and then meet you at your apartment. Does that sound better?"

His voice was warm and caring and it made her smile, she finally turned to face him and merely nodded her agreement. With no more words spoken, they went to their cars and went their separate ways for the moment.

Forty-five minutes later, Olivia finally stepped out of the shower into her steam filled bathroom. She had needed that, those few minutes to just relax and gather herself. Let the enormity of what was happening overtake her, freak her out. And then let it go. Now, she was ready for whatever would happen in the next few hours, whatever it may be. Wrapping a warm, fluffy white towel around herself, she walked into her bedroom and searched her drawers for something to wear. She looked at some pieces of sexy lingerie and discarded them almost immediately. Maybe she would wear them for him some time, but it wouldn't be tonight. It would seem far too contrived, like she was trying too hard to be some sort of seductress. This had to be just about them, as they always were, just Elliot and Olivia. With that in mind, she found a pair of comfy yoga pants and a tank top, while she was dressing, she heard Elliot let himself in and smiled. He didn't have to tell her that it was him, he knew and he knew that she knew. It was their thing, they could sense each other.

She walked into the living room, rubbing the towel through her wet hair

"Hey, what have we go?" she asked in greeting, joining him in the small kitchen area, hopping up onto a stool.

"Just pizza," he shrugged, taking her in. He smiled at her and noted how beautiful she looked. Natural and fresh. He loved that she didn't try too hard, he enjoyed seeing her like this, comfortable and at ease. It was times like this that his attraction to her was strongest. "Got us some beers too, I considered a bottle of wine, but really who wants wine with Pizza? Beer's much better."

Chuckling she just tossed the towel onto the counter and went to retrieve a couple of plates, "whatever you say, Stabler."

Elliot only grinned at her and he opened the pizza box, already helping himself to a slice, taking a bite before dropping it on the plate she offered him, making their way to the living room, he stretched out on the couch, legs parted for her to lay between them, her back to his chest. They ate in comfortable silence. And when they finished eating, the silence kept on. Neither spoke for fear of voicing something which would ruin the moment. They didn't want to rush anything here, and truth be told, neither knew where to start this.

Eventually, Elliot couldn't stop himself and laid a gentle kiss in the crook of her neck. Nothing forceful or implying they had to move things anymore quickly, just a simple touch of lips against skin. A gesture of intimacy and contentment. If it was the only touch they would share that night, he would be okay with that. He wanted more, they both did, and they knew it would happen between them again, but maybe it just wouldn't be tonight was the thought that crossed his mind. That changed when her head turned, her body shifting so that she faced him a little more and she brought her lips to his in a soft but sound kiss. It was passionate despite its gentleness, there was no urgency in it, they simply enjoyed the feeling of the others lips against their own. It was only when his hand came up to cup her cheek that the almost serene kiss grew into something more heated and needy. Their lips parted, and tongues battle for dominance, the fiery passion that was known as Elliot and Olivia burned between them again. Fingers tore at clothes and lips explored for long minutes even as they stumbled their way to the bedroom, losing their clothing along the way.

As they tumbled to the bed, everything became slow once more. They had shared the frenzied, animalistic sex already; it wasn't what today was about. Today had been about admitting feelings and opening themselves up to those feelings. It was about needing and wanting each other on every level, not just a sexual one and so they both slowed themselves down. There, in Olivia's bed they made love, with soft kisses and gentle caresses, moving together and each letting the others name fall freely from their lips in completion. Afterwards, they lay tangled together, Olivia's head rested on his chest and her eyes fluttering open and shut every now and then. It was pure contentment.

"This is how it should have been," she said softly, "the first time. It should have been like this. So perfect."

She wasn't even sure if he heard, was he even awake? Olivia didn't know she wasn't even sure if she wanted him to hear her; she was just speaking aloud the thoughts that were running through her mind in those blissful moments there with him because she knew they would have to end soon. No, he wasn't up and leaving straight after but she knew he would have to go at some point, she just wasn't thinking about it right now, she wanted to enjoy it.

"It should have," he agreed quietly, his eyes open and staring lovingly down at her, "and it will be from now on," he paused and smirked at her, "well hopefully not all the time because I have some ideas that would be hot, but you know what I mean."

Laughing, she kissed him, "you're crazy."

"Only about you."


End file.
